Yes, there are big cultural differences and he's reacting exactly the way I would expect. (Although I suspect my very American son will react the same way when his 13-year-old falls in puppy love.) As in America, mothers are a little more willing to bend although it may be more a case of not wanting to alienate her daughter to keep lines of communication open.
Firstly, French teenagers do not date that young so Dad's probably quite concerned about their ages.
Secondly, French teenagers don't usually do "couple" dating. They nearly always go out in groups and it isn't unusual to include their own family in the group. The important thing to remember is "group" and see if the kids can fit their relationship into something more acceptable to the young lady's culture, i.e. going to his or her younger brother's little league game with friends instead of a movie by themselves. This would be more appropriate to their age anyway. Another good one would be for your entire family to attend the young lady's school concert where she's singing in the chorus and ask her family out to dinner afterwards. The kids can sit together but you can all get to know each other. Could both families go on a picnic at a nearby park? In other words, develop a relationship with her parents so Dad doesn't worry so much.
The French are much more strict with their children than most Americans. You will seldom see a well brought up French child of any age misbehaving in public. They spend a lot of time together as families with parents educating children in the arts and social graces and they firmly believe in conversation as a social obligation. If you could help your son learn how to have an intelligent conversation with the young lady's parents, that would help a lot.
To debunk a couple myths:
(1)You don't see many teenagers topless on French beaches, at least not over the age of ten. Most of the young ladies have tops on and so do their moms. The visiting Brits are more often topless! Tourist beaches in the south of France: yes there are nudes but many are tourists; many are middle-aged and quite a few are over 70. Nudity just isn't regarded there the way it is here. Now that skin cancer is on the rise, there are fewer and fewer topless sunbathers anyway.
(2) Drinking wine is viewed entirely differently in French society. Small children are often allowed some wine with lots of water to help them learn to differentiate various wines, something they will be expected to do well as adults. The French drink wine because its taste enhances the food it accompanies. They normally will not drink to excess and it is a social faux pas to get drunk. Well brought up teenagers do not have drinking parties. Drinking is part of a meal and is done at home with the family in controlled circumstances.
Are there rotten French teenagers? Of course! The magic word here is "well brought up." Children who are not brought up correctly are referred to as "mal eleve" and it is a real insult. It means "badly raised" and it also means the family has not fulfilled their obligation to society. Hence, the young lady's parents are only trying to do their duty and it must be very stressful for them when they are trying to raise their children the only way they know how and their children are growing up in a culture that simply holds many different values, often the values pressed on them by the media.
Perhaps if you understand this and can help your son understand this, things will go a little more smoothly. Being "friends" is great; being a "couple" is difficult. Remember, it's equally difficult for your son since he is a product of our society.
Good luck. Most kids are really nice; it'll probably work out just fine . . . a few grey hairs for all parents concerned. )
Firstly, French teenagers do not date that young so Dad's probably quite concerned about their ages.
Secondly, French teenagers don't usually do "couple" dating. They nearly always go out in groups and it isn't unusual to include their own family in the group. The important thing to remember is "group" and see if the kids can fit their relationship into something more acceptable to the young lady's culture, i.e. going to his or her younger brother's little league game with friends instead of a movie by themselves. This would be more appropriate to their age anyway. Another good one would be for your entire family to attend the young lady's school concert where she's singing in the chorus and ask her family out to dinner afterwards. The kids can sit together but you can all get to know each other. Could both families go on a picnic at a nearby park? In other words, develop a relationship with her parents so Dad doesn't worry so much.
The French are much more strict with their children than most Americans. You will seldom see a well brought up French child of any age misbehaving in public. They spend a lot of time together as families with parents educating children in the arts and social graces and they firmly believe in conversation as a social obligation. If you could help your son learn how to have an intelligent conversation with the young lady's parents, that would help a lot.
To debunk a couple myths:
(1)You don't see many teenagers topless on French beaches, at least not over the age of ten. Most of the young ladies have tops on and so do their moms. The visiting Brits are more often topless! Tourist beaches in the south of France: yes there are nudes but many are tourists; many are middle-aged and quite a few are over 70. Nudity just isn't regarded there the way it is here. Now that skin cancer is on the rise, there are fewer and fewer topless sunbathers anyway.
(2) Drinking wine is viewed entirely differently in French society. Small children are often allowed some wine with lots of water to help them learn to differentiate various wines, something they will be expected to do well as adults. The French drink wine because its taste enhances the food it accompanies. They normally will not drink to excess and it is a social faux pas to get drunk. Well brought up teenagers do not have drinking parties. Drinking is part of a meal and is done at home with the family in controlled circumstances.
Are there rotten French teenagers? Of course! The magic word here is "well brought up." Children who are not brought up correctly are referred to as "mal eleve" and it is a real insult. It means "badly raised" and it also means the family has not fulfilled their obligation to society. Hence, the young lady's parents are only trying to do their duty and it must be very stressful for them when they are trying to raise their children the only way they know how and their children are growing up in a culture that simply holds many different values, often the values pressed on them by the media.
Perhaps if you understand this and can help your son understand this, things will go a little more smoothly. Being "friends" is great; being a "couple" is difficult. Remember, it's equally difficult for your son since he is a product of our society.
Good luck. Most kids are really nice; it'll probably work out just fine . . . a few grey hairs for all parents concerned.